We've all been there at a networking event, at a conference, and all of a sudden, someone walks in the room, and all the heads turn. It doesn't matter if they look the best. It's not that they necessarily look the best, but that their energy has, well, that it factor, that indescribable, undeniable attraction, magnetism to who they are. Everyone wants to know what they're about, who they are, and how they can work with that person.
The idea of “it” factor isn't a new concept, but it's one that we all, well, desire, sometimes secretly and sometimes not. The truth is that having that “it” factor, that indescribable yet highly desirable attraction, is something we all want in life and can all have. Many times, “it” factor simply is understanding how we're truly coming across in the world intelligently using our influence and making sure that the impressions that we make matter.
When you look at the field of impression management and intelligent influence, it's about understanding that we make over 50,000 impressions a day. Yes, most entrepreneurial women, personally and professionally, online and offline, are making over 50,000 impressions a day. In the 1970s, most professionals barely needed 50,000 impressions in a month. When we use these impressions to our advantage, our it factor does become indescribable when we're online or offline.
So how do we do this? How do we create it factor for ourselves? Well, your “it” factor all starts with understanding your intentions. Yes, you don't want to influence just everybody. You want to influence the right people. You want to be desirable to the right people at the right moment. So you have to understand your intention. Of course, understanding your intentions at large is one thing. Still, we have to understand our intentions, specifically the posts that we're creating for social media, specifically the event that we're going to attend, and specifically the meeting we're about ready to have. When we understand our intentions in these specific moments, as well as overall, we're able to tailor how we show up in the types of messages we're sending, non-verbally as well as verbally.
Then, the second thing to creating this “it” factor is, well, using your nonverbal communication to your advantage. Your nonverbal communication is how we communicate over 93% of the time. Yet, in today's society, ironically, we don't use our nonverbal communication to our advantage. Nonverbal communication is your body language, your tone of voice, your style, and overall how you show up in this world. Your nonverbal communication is the true message that you're sending. We've all experienced times where nonverbal communication has been completely off to the verbal message, which makes us doubt somebody, question what's going on, and leave us wondering what is the real intent at hand. No one wants to do that.
And when you have your “it” factor on point, it does not happen because your intention, as well as your nonverbal communication, match up, which means stop wearing the outfits that you don't like. Stop wearing something that doesn't make you excited. Stop using languaging that someone else has told you to do. Stop poor nonverbal communication through body language with that firm handshake or make sure you're always standing grounded and strong. All these miscommunications in your nonverbal communication make your it factor be an ick factor instead, which is not what you're going after.
So, be clear about your intention. Be true to your nonverbal communication. And lastly, be smart about it. When making impressions, you don't want to just make an impression on anybody. You want to make an intelligent, influential impression. And to do that, you have to understand what relationships you're looking to create. Because yes, in the end, no matter what you do, you're about creating relationships, so you need to know what relationships matter to you. How does this go passed just your intention of the moment? It goes past the intention at the moment because it goes passed the types of relationships you're having at the moment. It goes to the long term. It goes to the bigger game. It goes to beginning the foundational seeds.
Like in dating, you don't meet somebody for the first time and marry them. Same thing when it comes to any relationship in business. You need to understand that there's a long-term game. So when you understand the types of relationships you're looking to create in the now, in the present, as well as long term, you're able to create a magnetism for the people who have what you're looking for. “It” is that factor. It is that dynamics. And you can have “it” if you're willing to understand what you're about, be clear in your intentions, use nonverbal communication to your advantage, and understand this is all about relationship building.